Diagnosed with Bipolar 1, with psychotic features, in 2019
Where to even begin? I have told a little bit about my story through my blogging, but I never really just sat down and wrote about my journey and where I am today. And my thoughts on my diagnosis and how things changed for me. I thought today would be a great day to do that!
Since being diagnosed with Bipolar 1 in 2019. My life changed drastically. I didn’t think something like this could change my life, but it did.
Before my diagnosis, I always felt different and like I couldn’t relate to anyone around me. I was shy and kept to myself most of the time. I didn’t even feel comfortable opening up around anyone. I felt awkward and socially withdrawn from others.
Anyways just a little backstory on how I felt growing up. Now, since my diagnosis in 2019. Things started to make sense. I wasn’t so shy anymore (college did that to me), but everything I had been feeling leading up to my diagnosis made sense. I thought I was losing my mind before and had no one to open up to about it. I bottled everything up until my first episode in 2019 which resulted in my diagnosis of Bipolar 1 Disorder.
To be honest, I had no idea that I had anything going on because I was so quiet and good at masking my problems. I struggled for years before I finally got a grip on my mental health. That first episode wiped me out. I was not able to function properly for about 2 years after that episode. That episode traumatized me, scared me, and left lasting effects on my brain. I felt damaged.
For 2 years, I did nothing. It felt like I was in a daze most of the time. I stayed home and just barely was able to get through the days. Something eventually changed though. Even though I thought I was doing nothing, I was building resilience and strength. Making it to the next day, every day, felt like a small accomplishment. It may not mean much to someone else, but for me waking up the next day showed a glimmer of hope.
All the therapy and medication management appointments were all things I looked forward to. Even though it felt like I was a walking zombie. I still made the effort to take baby steps toward improving my mental health.
I felt like I was at the bottom of life and I was stuck. But any piece of positivity I could get my hands on helped.
Knowing that I had a mental health diagnosis was the first step towards my recovery. Learning more about it and how to manage it was hard, but worth it. Since the discovery of me having Bipolar 1, I know myself so much better now than I ever did before my diagnosis.
I am so much more than Bipolar. I am incredible, a fighter, and someone who never gives up, no matter how hard things may seem.
I’ve proved to myself day in and day out that I am capable and worthy of everything. No matter how many people think that just because I have Bipolar, I won’t achieve the things I want in life. I will.
I have gained so many valuable skills learning more about the disorder and myself and will not ever put a limit on myself.
You too are strong and capable, no matter what stage of life you’re in. Or how bad your mental health is right now. You just have to keep fighting. Trust me, you will surprise yourself later.